Everything Changed
Sense of loss, Magick, and comic books.
Welcome to Dispatches from the Deep End.
In this issue:
😶 Comfortably Numb
🎱 Is Magick Real?
🔮 Something New: TLTM
Three pieces this week.
A little about my son. I’m still in my mourning phase, but I need to stay productive so I don’t lose my mind.
Some thoughts on Magick.
And I want to introduce you to my latest project that will likely take up most of my time for a while… The Last True Mage.
Let’s fuckin’ goooo!!!!
😶 Comfortably Numb
I find that I need to write about this. I don’t want to, but I’m going to.
My son died by suicide on May 12, 2026.
So many of you have reached out to me either in the comments section or DMs with your condolences, and I really can’t tell you how much that means.
I’ve done all the things: went to see family, repaired burned bridges, and did the whole funeral things. I hate funerals. They aren’t even for the dead. They’re for the living. They’re depressing. I’d rather have a party. Celebrate their life.
But I digress… I did all the things.
Emotionally, I’m honestly not sure where I’m at. I compartmentalize very well, I know my psychological make-up, I even note the little things that I know are depression leaking through my meds.
But I’ve learned coping skills over the years, because without them… well, you probably wouldn’t be reading this.
It’s a loss that’s hard to describe. I can only say it feels like a piece of me has died, a limb amputated, and I can still feel the ghost of his presence. And I always will.
Let me tell ya, this kid was a troublemaker.
He was always out in the woods or in his garage tinkering. He was also a loner like me in so many ways.
I tried to blame someone for all this, but even regardless of what was going on in his personal life, I find that I just don’t have the energy for that anymore.
All his life was a constant struggle, just like mine.
I’m so sick of all the anger and division with people. I’m fucking tired of fighting wars. If nothing else, this experience has taught me that we need to find some sort of peace with one another, even if we all believe different things.
Life’s fucking short, ya’ll.
We can’t just be going around, operating like little hate machines towards everyone.
We gotta be better. Hold your kids tight, learn to forgive, and remember that bridges, burnt or not, can be rebuilt.
The pain we inflict on the world is unnecessary. And some pain is almost too much to live with. What we do individually has a widespread effect. Tomorrow always has potential. Live for that.
And that’s all I gotta say about that.
🎱 Is Magick Real?
I often get asked this question. There’s not a simple answer.
It really all depends on what you believe in. Because belief is the engine of all Magick. If you don’t think you can, you never will.
I can only tell you this:
When I need money, I do a sigil and I get what I need. Never fails me.
When I needed a job, I did some ritual work and, next thing you know, I had a 6 figure job.
I did a lighter spell once, so I’d never have to find a cigarette lighter again. I usually have anywhere from 2-3 in my pockets and I don’t know how they get there.
A couple of people crossed me once. One is dying slowly now of a degenerative disease and the other gets patches of skin cancer that needs treated frequently. (I really didn’t like the end results of that working, but that’s why you have to be careful with it.)
So, is it real?
Yes and no.
It’s something between a whisper and a dream and a song that was never written but can always be heard if you listen for it carefully.
It is both science and art, birthed for the leftover energy of the creation moment.
It is chaotic, pure and unadulterated madness, and it can change your life overnight… for good or ill.
It hides from those that aren’t willing to see with their eyes. Hence, it is the occult. It is a hidden path.
In other words, only you can decide if it’s real.
It’s not something that can be fully conveyed in words. It is something that requires a mind willing to accept the potential.
Happy hunting, kiddos.
🔮 Something New: TLTM
Verone has been rattling around my head for well over 2 decades now.
He is, in fact, the end result of a Magick working itself, but we’ll save that portion of the story for another time.
He is also the answer to a life-long dream I’ve had, and that’s to produce a complete story arc in comic books that’s epic.
So, I pulled out the notes.
I gathered all the research, all the character descriptions, the various plotlines and story arcs… and then I got to work this weekend.
I’ve got a basic outline for 7 books at approximately 300 pages a piece. I’m going to do both Print (through KDP) and digital (Gumroad.) I also plan to launch a new website where potential fans of the work can come and slobber all over themselves.
As you can tell from the image teasers, it’s going to be a seinen-style manga. I’ve always loved that style, and it fits this story.
For you comic book nerds out there, I’m going to be combining storytelling elements from manga, but also I’m going to tell you a story that would have fit right next to Sandman or Shade the Changing Man from Vertigo in the 90s.
This is honestly going to be my magnum opus if I can get it to work.
I love prose work, but my heart has always been that of a comic book nerd. And this might be the coolest project I can build.
Stay tuned for more updates as I roll this thing out.
If you made it here, that means you should…
If you’re reading this, you’re cooler than everyone else on Substack. Just sayin’.
~ J.D.
P.S. If you’re a paying customer, you’ll get exclusive updates on the process I’m going to use to create the comic book. In addition, there are other benefits like discounts and me being able to eat food so I can create things you enjoy! SIGN UP TODAY and get 25% off an annual subscription!
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